i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
