You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
