I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
