On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
