thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
