when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
