All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize