I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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