Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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