you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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