Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
