What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Two words: blizzard sex
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
