She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
