Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
