grandma shit on top of the toilet
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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