she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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