If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
