tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
How external is "for external use only"?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
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