This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Randomize
