my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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