Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
