Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
