my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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