You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
