Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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