Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
