On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Randomize
