dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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