your parents love me but you hate me
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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