she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
