Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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