oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
