***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
