butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
