I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
