just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
