apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
