if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
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maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
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It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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