the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
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