you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
