i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
This baby is an asshole
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
