thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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