i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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