what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Fuck appropriateness.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
