I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It was a blind-side dick pic.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
