They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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