good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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