Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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