I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
