My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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