ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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