so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
