fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
time to smoke my breakfast
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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