hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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