I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
