I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
