I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
