the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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