How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
