somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
