he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
