The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
