The brown eye won't let me do that either.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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