you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
