dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
