Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
