Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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