Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize