I CAN MOONWALK!
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
