Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
