I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
