i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
