Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
