i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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