Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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