I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
