I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Randomize
