im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
