and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
